How to Deal with Temper Tantrums in 3-6 Year Olds

Ways to Cope with Anger Crises in 3-6 Year Old Children

Zeynep Seda Gençer | Nuterapi

 The 3-6 age period is a very special time when children's emotions are at their most intense and they are trying to get to know their inner world and the outside world. The occurrence of anger crises in this age range is actually a natural part of development. However, handling these crises in a healthy way directly affects both the emotional development of the child and the bond with the parent. As a child development specialist and play therapist, I realize in every session how important it is to understand the underlying messages of anger, especially when working with children in this age group. In this article, I will offer you practical ways from my own client experiences as well as from the perspective of play therapy, story therapy and parent counseling.

🌪️ Why is anger more intense at this age? - Language skills are not yet sufficient to express emotions.  - Rules and boundaries begin to develop, but the child is not yet ready to accept these boundaries.  - Self-centeredness is dominant. The idea that "everything should be the way I want it" is dominant.  - Emotional regulation skills are in the process of development. Therefore, a tantrum is not a "behavioral disorder" but an emotional release that the child is not yet able to cope with.

🎲 Making Space for Anger with Play TherapyPlay is the child's language; toys are their words. A child may express anger by throwing a teddy bear to the ground, representing it with a screaming figure or wearing a monster costume. We analyze the meaning of these symbolic expressions together during play therapy. A child who comes to play therapy reorganizes his or her "forbidden" emotions through play. He touches his anger and then experiences that an adult still loves and accepts him in the face of this anger. By observing the child's play, parents begin to better understand their child's emotional needs.

📖 Journey to the Inner World with Story TherapyFables are mirrors that reach children's souls in the safest way. In fairy tale therapy, we offer children who are experiencing anger characters that they can reflect themselves. The hero will defeat a monster, but first he must meet him. Sometimes the child identifies with the angry character, sometimes he wants to help him.  In both cases, the child's unconscious relationship with anger begins to transform. At home, when reading fairy tales, you can ask your child:  "Why do you think this character was so angry?"  "What would you do if it were you?" These questions can help develop both empathy

👩‍👧 The Role of Parent Counseling: Mirroring, Boundaries and TrustAs a parent, it is natural to feel helpless, guilty or sometimes even angry during tantrums. But remember that your own emotional regulation skills are directly related to your child's regulation skills. In parent counseling, we work on:- The ability to "stay" with anger rather than avoid contact with it - Setting safe boundaries: "I don't want this behavior, but I love you".- Confronting your own internal child wounds: Because sometimes your child's anger touches on anger that you have repressed in the past.

Actionable Suggestions: 1. Make contact before and after the tantrum, not after.     "I think you're a bit angry... Let's have a hug."

2. Provide only safe space in the middle of a tantrum.     Prevent physical harm, but do not suppress the emotion.

3. Provide predictability in routines.     Most tantrums are caused by a feeling of loss of control.

4. Build games with symbolic toys.     Use small figures, cushions, puppets, etc. to allow the child to express his/her anger through play.

5. Read and act out fairy tales together.    

Say, "You be this character and I will play the other one."

💌 Final Word: Anger Can Be the Beginning of BondingEvery anger crisis is a cry for communication. Transformation begins not when we hear this cry, but when we understand it.  If you are having difficulty coping with your child's tantrums, you can contact us for individual play suggestions, parent counseling or online support.